It’s been a while since I had the time to sit down and write. Part of me thinks that might be a good thing. Life is getting a little bit better with every day that passes. The pain and fear that years of emotional abuse have left behind is becoming more of a shadow behind the scenes and the scars that remain have given me thicker skin. The urgency that I once felt to tell my story has dulled.
Dealing with John is still very difficult and he desperately tries to exercise control over me in any way that he can find…. but as I grow stronger I am able to pull away even more… and like a game of tug of war … I can feel John’s grip on the rope slipping.
I intend to continue my story where I left off a few months ago, although my reasons for doing this have changed. Initially, while I was writing this blog to hopefully help others find their strength… I think I was mostly writing it for myself. With each word that I typed I could feel the terror and pain of each awful moment float away from me. Sharing my story… embracing my past and reflecting on the choices I made and didn’t make… has allowed me to grow and heal. For a long time I needed that. I needed to find a way to let go of what haunted me. I needed to find a way out from under the weight of John’s shadowy presence.
If you read my blog it’s very possible that you are living though similar struggles. As my story continues and you read along, I hope that between the words you are able to feel my new strength and that I am able to lend that strength to you when you need it. Thank you for reading and for helping me to push John into the shadows of my past, where he belongs.